12:01am (BroJohn) Chapter 1?

Apr. 20, 2014 @ 10:48 AM _

You guys know BroJohn is legal now right???? And is therefore above any form of criticism ever.

I really wish I’d had this idea sometime before 4/13. But I kind of like the idea of it coming out on 4/20 too. This could stand on its own, but definitely feels incomplete. I’ll have to think about how to continue it, and I’m open to suggestion.

Title: 12:01am

Rating: E

Pairings: Bro/John


  • Boners
  • Bad Dirty Talk
  • Boys Being Gross
  • Barely Legal
  • Bro Being Creepy
  • Mention of vomit

AO3 Link

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Team Guardians: Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014

Apr. 20, 2014 @ 5:22 AM _


If anyone’s interested, we have a few slots still open on Team Guardians for the Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014. For more information on HSWC, check out the wiki.

Sign ups are here. Our team name is Guardians; we’re a theme team that will do Guardian/Guardian ships (for the main & collaborative rounds, that is). Current team roster is here.

If you have questions about the time commitment or such, feel free to message me!

Apr. 13, 2014 @ 2:56 AM _


I’m not sorry.

Heck yessss

+ High-res


I’m not sorry.

Heck yessss

(Source: striderchoiceplushrump)

Some things I want to roleplay

Apr. 9, 2014 @ 4:35 PM _

  • Bro goes into a brothel/sex slave sort of den and fucks one of the offered guys. After he gets off he reveals he is actually a private investigator hired by the guy’s family to find him. He just has really, really questionable morals and is a shitty piece of trash.
  • Bro is a backwoods, meth-cooking, kind of shitty piece of trash, and gets abducted by trolls. A take on the old trope of farmers getting abducted and probed by aliens.
  • Alpha Dave is an alcoholic, drug-using piece of shitty trash and he gets into an extremely contentious sexual relationship with Bro (possibly another shitty piece of trash). Lots of physical fighting, struggling for dominance, and regrettable decisions. But also nice stuff too sometimes, mainly ridiculous banter.
  • Bro is a shitty trash unit and also one of many Strider princes in a modern-style kingdom fantasy setting. Not sure what happens there, probably lots of drugs and sex and suits and ties.
  • Absolutely ridiculous cyberpunk AU with all kinds of silly augmentations and weird drugs and crazy guns. Shitty cyborg trash versions of Bro or Dave try to get laid and stay as high as possible while also doing their menial, dangerous jobs.

Apr. 8, 2014 @ 9:01 AM _

Just joined HSWC for the fourth year in a row! (including HSO). Joined Team Guardians so I can write some hot BroDad, a ship I love but doesn’t exist nearly enough. Also A!Dave/Bro and A!Dave/Dad, gosh this’ll be great. If it ends up being too small, I’ll probably join up with Bro/Dave. Poor ship needs some love what with all the hate it’s been getting recently.

Mar. 31, 2014 @ 9:52 AM _








"Literal Billionaires"? Are they really though? Let’s take a look.


The text states that Smuppets are a “multi-billion dollar a year enterprise” while this particular website “rakes in thousands of dollars a month.”

Now, let’s say that at the very most, to still fall within the very generous definition of “thousands of dollars,” that Bro makes $999,999.99 a month. In my opinion, if he made more than ten thousand it would say “tens of thousands,” or “hundreds of thousands,” but like I said, I’m being very generous.

So, at almost a million dollars a month, Bro would have a yearly income of $11,999,999.88. While that IS in the millionaire range, it’s definitely NOT in the “multi-billion dollar a year” range.

Let’s see how many years it would take for them to become billionaires. One billion divided by 11,999,999.88 is 83.333 That means in order to make even one billion dollars, it would take Bro over 83 years of hocking puppet porn. And that’s not including taxes, rent, food, etc. 

Hey, we all know Bro is a cool dude, but Dave is the one with the power to amass fortunes by exploiting time loops.

I see this argument a lot, and I’m fairly sure it’s a simple case of misinterpretation of the text. People seem to think that Bro is the only person creating smuppet content, and therefore must be the only one raking in that fuzzy dough. However, there are several clues to say that this is not the case.

First of all, there’s the math I just did, which doesn’t add up to the multi-billion number that smuppets make. So financially it just doesn’t make sense. Second, Bro’s site is called “Plush Rump” as opposed to just “Smuppets” and “smuppets” is not listed anywhere on the webpage. The smuppet industry therefore exists as a larger whole, sort of like how you might not actually see the word “porn” on a porn site about large breasts. 

While it can be argued that Bro and Dave aren’t poor, it can also be argued that they aren’t rich. If we want to take the very lowest definition of “thousands of dollars,” and again let’s be generous and say that Bro makes $2,000 a month. Maybe he’s just a small fish in a big puppet pond. So that would mean a yearly income of $24,000. This is about ten thousand dollars above the poverty line for a two-person household.

Assuming a 40 hour work week, that would mean that if Bro had a regular 9-5 job, his wage would be about $12.50 an hour. 

Now, I’m not saying the OP is wrong about anything other than the semantics of “billionaires.” A lot of people argue that the Striders are actually quite rich, and I’m not saying that’s not the case either. All I’m saying is that, being very lenient with the terms used in canon, They could make anywhere from $24k a year, which is relatively low, to nearly $12 million a year. 

I think it’s sort of a headcanon type of deal. You can choose to believe that they have an income on the lower end of the spectrum, and spend all their money on TVs and game systems and mixing equipment, leaving little room for for food or quality furniture. Or they could be millionaires that just don’t give a shit about quality food or furniture. Maybe it’s all going into Dave’s college fund. It depends how you want to write your roleplay or fic or whatever.

Mar. 23, 2014 @ 1:55 PM _

Kinda sick of seeing “[Character] didn’t know how they’d gotten themselves into this situation” at the beginning of prompts. It’s just so cliche and lazy and makes your prompt look like many, many others.

I get if you’re trying to skip straight to the smut, but even porn has better setups. Maybe your character got caught stealing lemons and needs to be punished. Maybe they were involved in a kidnapping scenario in which they agreed to have their partner grab them off the street at an undisclosed time (though i’d want to rp that part out). Maybe they were messing around with the autobondage bed and accidentally hit the button. 

Unless your character is suffering due to amnesia or was actually kidnapped and drugged, surely they must have SOME idea of how they ended up tied to a bed or dressed in the opposite gender’s clothing. 

Any little bit of creativity helps make your prompt more interesting and different form any other generic bondage or BDSM prompt.

Mar. 16, 2014 @ 12:01 PM _


This is from Hardware. In which I had to figure out how to transition from Bro just cleaning Dave’s dick piercings to putting them in his mouth. This took place early in my Homestuck writing career, where I used a hell of a lot more weird wordplay to make my exposition more comedic. If you’ve ever read that really, really old untitled Stridercest kink meme fic where Dave jerks off thinking about bro, then they jerk each other off on the couch and then things get super sad, you will be able to see this bizarre wordplay at critical mass. I would link it but it would take forever to find it and I’m a little embarrassed because it’s so full of typos. I feel like I’ve lost that ability to write that way, maybe due to reading so many other fanfics and falling into a more straightforward style that takes less effort. 

More about this passage specifically. I was way into describing the specific details of the piercings, the way the skin stretched over the metal, the way the metal would move in response to manipulation. This is just the beginning of a lot of very explicit description about what exactly is happening down there. I looked into buying some kind of “piercing practice dick” because I wanted to get a better feel for what it would be like. (Turns out they don’t really exist. Not exactly.)

I also wanted to make it clear that while Dave would be the one getting all the attention and putting his dick in a warm place, Bro was in charge the whole time. This paragraph sort of cements that in place. 

Thanks for participating in the meme! Reminder for everyone to submit ~500 words from one of my fics to my ask box or submission box to get more commentary. This is a lot of fun (if a little embarrassing to be confronted with my old work, haha).

Writing Meme!

Mar. 14, 2014 @ 12:01 PM _


Pick any passage of 500 words or less from any fanfic I’ve written, and stick that selection in my ask/fan mail. I will then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what’s going on in the character’s heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you’d expect to find on a DVD commentary track.


This sounds like a lot of fun. Who knows, maybe it will help me get motivated to write more stuff. You can find my longer works here on AO3 or here on Tumblr, which includes longer chapter updates as well as shorter prompt requests and such.

Mar. 11, 2014 @ 12:09 AM _

smartlittleshit asked: say, if one were to ask for a quick non!fic summary of what was going to happen in the Naughty Pony fic, would you be terribly offended

Not at all! Basically Dirk was going to confess how nervous he was, they would part ways without having sex. Dirk would continue training Dave until the day of the Valentine’s Day show, at which point it would become apparent that Dirk had been training him for the show without actually telling Dave he was entered. There would be more talk about trust and honesty, and Dave would decide to compete after all, and while they wouldn’t win first prize, they would at least beat Vriska, who plays the part of the stuck up rich girl in most pony books. They would win some honorary award like Most Improved or something so they would get a ribbon. Then, Dave would get taken back to the stables and Dirk would finally breed him. I made most of that up right now. I really had no idea where things were going beyond the vaguest notions. 

I would like to rewrite it someday, or write the next in the series or something, with a more focused plot and consistent tone, but I actually need to read a full Pony Pals book in its entirety first.